Life as we know it...
The Little Things
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Did You Know?
Today I'm writing because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because people are blind to what others go through. Today someone said to me, "if you can't work and plan a wedding at the same time, you shouldn't be getting married." Well... that might be true, but here's the thing: Did you know that my dad doesn't have a job right now? And did you know that I live on the same floor of a house with a newborn baby that cries all night long? Or that my grandpa is in and out of the hospital dying and chances are that I'll never see him again? Did you know that I'm fighting every second of every day to keep my eating disorder away because the girl that measured me for my wedding dress did it wrong, and now the dress that my mom saved up for for months to buy me is too small and I'm going to be the fat bride that doesn't fit in the dress that was made for me? And did you know that on top of all that, my fiance is out of town, and I'm trying to work full-time and plan a wedding all on my own and I'm just a little stressed out? No. I guess you didn't know. Next time try walking a day in my shoes and see how long you can last. And next time, be a little nicer.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Eating Disorder Awareness Month
Well I haven't blogged in awhile, but today in one of my psychology classes we were discussing obesity and health risks. With it being eating disorder awareness month I thought now would be a good time to address something like this. My professor talked about how she went to a meeting about eating disorders with many professionals and she learned something that shocked her. "A higher body weight doesn't mean that someone is unhealthy and lower body weight doesn't mean someone is healthy." My entire class was shocked. Having been through eating disorder treatment, I already knew that. I've been in treatment with people who were overweight that were very malnourished. It breaks my heart that people focus so much on obesity and ignore the fact that people everywhere are dying from eating disorders. I wish that I could tell the world that WEIGHT DOESN'T MATTER. This month I hope that all those with eating disorders are fighting their hardest to get ED out of their lives. I hope that they are out there sharing their stories and influencing others to fight the good fight. Happy ED awareness month💜
Monday, September 7, 2015
Never Good Enough
Lately I've been feeling pretty bad about myself. I feel worthless. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be worthy of anyone's love. And I feel that no matter how hard I pray, I'm not getting any answers.
At everything I do, there will always be someone better. It's true, in this life, I'll never be perfect. Neither will you.
There's always someone out there better than me. Someone smarter, skinnier, prettier. With whiter teeth, longer hair, and better grades. I'll never be as nice as this person, or as funny as that person. They'll always be better at singing or better at running.
But, if I've learned anything in my life, it's that God doesn't care about that. He doesn't look at me and see the short, fat, yellow teethed, bratty girl that I see when I look in the mirror. He sees all of my potential. He sees all that I can become. And what he sees is the only thing that matters.
So even though I feel like my prayers aren't being answered, that I'm the ugliest person on the earth, that I'm the stupidest person who has ever lived, and that I'll never amount to anything, I'll just have to trust in God...
At everything I do, there will always be someone better. It's true, in this life, I'll never be perfect. Neither will you.
There's always someone out there better than me. Someone smarter, skinnier, prettier. With whiter teeth, longer hair, and better grades. I'll never be as nice as this person, or as funny as that person. They'll always be better at singing or better at running.
But, if I've learned anything in my life, it's that God doesn't care about that. He doesn't look at me and see the short, fat, yellow teethed, bratty girl that I see when I look in the mirror. He sees all of my potential. He sees all that I can become. And what he sees is the only thing that matters.
So even though I feel like my prayers aren't being answered, that I'm the ugliest person on the earth, that I'm the stupidest person who has ever lived, and that I'll never amount to anything, I'll just have to trust in God...
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
A New Kind of Love
It's been almost an entire month since I've been back from Thailand and I can't even believe it. Time has flown. This week has been a wild one because I found out my parents are moving and it will probably be the hardest goodbye I'll ever have to say. I moved out once again and I'm loving it already. It'll be nice being away from home with all the hustle and bustle of moving.
On another note, I've noticed that since coming back from my crazy adventure in Thailand, I have a new love for people. Not only do I love all of the people that I met while exploring Chiang Mai, but a love for people here in the U.S. I've also found that I have a new kind of love for people that I didn't necessarily love before I left. Something about the culture of Thailand changed me. I'm not sure if it was the way the people loved and accepted everyone they way they come, if it's the different experience I had, or if it was my mental break downs every week on the phone with my mom, but something is indeed different.
I can't help but think of an old woman that I met one night in Fang, Thailand. Her name was Omi. She didn't know any English, and I know no Thai, but she was so kind to me. She could tell that I was exhausted from a long day of work, and frustrated by the endless amounts of mosquitoes. She motioned to me to sit by her and she simply fanned the bugs off of me while my eyes got heavy.
I love that woman. I never saw her again, and I probably never will, but I'll never forget the way she smiled at me with her brown rotted teeth and made me feel better when I was having a hard time.
People like this have taught me to love with a new kind of love ❤️.
On another note, I've noticed that since coming back from my crazy adventure in Thailand, I have a new love for people. Not only do I love all of the people that I met while exploring Chiang Mai, but a love for people here in the U.S. I've also found that I have a new kind of love for people that I didn't necessarily love before I left. Something about the culture of Thailand changed me. I'm not sure if it was the way the people loved and accepted everyone they way they come, if it's the different experience I had, or if it was my mental break downs every week on the phone with my mom, but something is indeed different.
I can't help but think of an old woman that I met one night in Fang, Thailand. Her name was Omi. She didn't know any English, and I know no Thai, but she was so kind to me. She could tell that I was exhausted from a long day of work, and frustrated by the endless amounts of mosquitoes. She motioned to me to sit by her and she simply fanned the bugs off of me while my eyes got heavy.
I love that woman. I never saw her again, and I probably never will, but I'll never forget the way she smiled at me with her brown rotted teeth and made me feel better when I was having a hard time.
People like this have taught me to love with a new kind of love ❤️.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Thailand: Week 8
Hey everyone,
So this was kind of uneventful. I went to work everyday and it was the usual. Played with the kids for 9 hours 5 days out of the week. They're all so adorable that I want to take them all home with me. My favorite part of work is definitely nap time. It's very hot, but the fans make it durable.
Although the week was ordinary, the weekend was not. On Friday night I came into the city to sleep over because we had to get up kind of early for our adventures on Saturday. We met up at the church Saturday morning and took a long nice drive in the back of Bird's (old branch president here) truck. Pretty typical here. An hour and a half later we get to this dirt road and Bird stops. He opens the car door, yells something in Thai, closes the door, and BAM. Pedal to the metal. We shoot up this dirt road and are all flying all over the bed of the truck. It was like the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland except we didn't have seat belts. In fact, we didn't have seats. When he stopped two minutes later we were all in tears from laughing so hard.
We then walk down to this cool waterfall and play in the freezing water for a while. Us girls had a nice time reenacting moments from The Little Mermaid. We also jumped off some scary rocks so that's fun.
When we were done, Bird tells us we're going on a hike. Now, Bird is crazy. That's the bottom line. He takes us on this hike with no path, straight up a flipping mountain, and through the rushing river. I most certainly ripped a HUGE hole in my Thai pants and got many cuts and bruises from the falls. To sum that up, I was pretty mad at the fact that we had to scale the side of a mountain, but overall it was fun.
We get back to the car literally covered in mud. Drive a little bit and then stop for lunch. After lunch we rode elephants!!! It was so fancy. I loved it. We even named the elephants! Fanny/Pamela, Ellie, and Watermelon was the baby elephant. They are such fun animals, really I'm considering buying one right now.
After that amazing experience we went to a river and rafted down on bamboo rafts. We had two rafts, so three people on each. You guys know me, I'm pretty competitive so of course we had to race down the river (we won). I felt like I fulfilled my dream of becoming a pirate when I was standing there with my stick, dodging vines. It was so fun, but each time we hit a rock or the other raft, I would get thrown forward and most likely fall down. I came out of that with more bruises than that dumb hike.
Anyway, that's all! Sorry this is so long!
So this was kind of uneventful. I went to work everyday and it was the usual. Played with the kids for 9 hours 5 days out of the week. They're all so adorable that I want to take them all home with me. My favorite part of work is definitely nap time. It's very hot, but the fans make it durable.
Although the week was ordinary, the weekend was not. On Friday night I came into the city to sleep over because we had to get up kind of early for our adventures on Saturday. We met up at the church Saturday morning and took a long nice drive in the back of Bird's (old branch president here) truck. Pretty typical here. An hour and a half later we get to this dirt road and Bird stops. He opens the car door, yells something in Thai, closes the door, and BAM. Pedal to the metal. We shoot up this dirt road and are all flying all over the bed of the truck. It was like the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland except we didn't have seat belts. In fact, we didn't have seats. When he stopped two minutes later we were all in tears from laughing so hard.
We then walk down to this cool waterfall and play in the freezing water for a while. Us girls had a nice time reenacting moments from The Little Mermaid. We also jumped off some scary rocks so that's fun.
When we were done, Bird tells us we're going on a hike. Now, Bird is crazy. That's the bottom line. He takes us on this hike with no path, straight up a flipping mountain, and through the rushing river. I most certainly ripped a HUGE hole in my Thai pants and got many cuts and bruises from the falls. To sum that up, I was pretty mad at the fact that we had to scale the side of a mountain, but overall it was fun.
We get back to the car literally covered in mud. Drive a little bit and then stop for lunch. After lunch we rode elephants!!! It was so fancy. I loved it. We even named the elephants! Fanny/Pamela, Ellie, and Watermelon was the baby elephant. They are such fun animals, really I'm considering buying one right now.
After that amazing experience we went to a river and rafted down on bamboo rafts. We had two rafts, so three people on each. You guys know me, I'm pretty competitive so of course we had to race down the river (we won). I felt like I fulfilled my dream of becoming a pirate when I was standing there with my stick, dodging vines. It was so fun, but each time we hit a rock or the other raft, I would get thrown forward and most likely fall down. I came out of that with more bruises than that dumb hike.
Anyway, that's all! Sorry this is so long!
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