All of the Fresh Men. And Sophomores.

Summer of 2010 was pretty good with all of my new friends. 9th grade started and I was a freshman. Still at the junior high, but we ruled the school. Ninth grade was the best out of junior high school. When you're a freshman you get more field trips, less homework, more partying, and better teachers. This was the first year I actually liked all of my teachers. Some of them I'm even friends with on Facebook (shhh). Mercedes, Kadie, Nadia, Ashley, and Reggie were by my side the whole time. We hungout everyday at lunch, and every single weekend. We always had so much fun watching Pretty Little Liars, and having dance parties in basements. We were stick like glue. During all of this time I was really struggling, but no one knew... I hated myself to the point that I would just look in the mirror and cry. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I wouldn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. I knew no one could understand. This kept on through the summer. Not only did I stop eating certain foods and past a certain time, if I was too full I would make myself throw up. I thought I was so fat that I didn't deserve to have what others had. By the time 10th grade hit, I was almost at my worst. I was throwing up almost everything I ate and still barely eating anything. I was a huge perfectionist too, and had to get a 4.00 to live, (so I thought). I think that my friends eventually caught on to what was happening. One day my friends and I were getting ready for a dance and one of them said something about anorexia. She turned to me a few seconds later and said "You're not anorexic, are you?". I immediately responded with a no. I ignored it during the dance, but after I felt like I had to tell someone. My brother who's closest to me in age already knew, but he didn't know how to help. So that night when I got home I called my best friend and told her that I was struggling with an eating disorder. She tried to tell me that I was beautiful and I wasn't fat, but nothing could convince me. I knew the truth, and everyone else was just lying to me...