Changed For the Better: Part II

After all of the drama, things turned around. I didn't hangout with the guys as much because I had made some other friends. I started to hangout with one girl in particular, and we instantly became best friends. We did everything together. We got in a lot of fights, and we had tons of drama, but we were still best friends. She is a gorgeous, skinny, funny girl, so obviously I compared myself to her a lot. I always felt like that "hot girl"'s best friend. I was nothing more. My self esteem was headed back down at this point. I felt worthless again. I wanted to be someone else. One Sunday I remember sitting in my room just crying. Crying out tears of hatred towards myself. I thought I would never amount to anything. I felt like I couldn't be forgiven for messing up so many times. I was hopeless. My parents came in a while later and I just yelled at them telling them how ugly, fat, stupid, and worthless I felt. That day my parents decided that I needed more help. The next day they called the treatment center where my therapist worked, and they talked about admitting me to a higher level of care. They couldn't get me in for another week, so I sat at home depressed. When I could finally be admitted, my parents and I walked in, I said goodbye, and they left. It really wasn't a big deal because I could come home every night to sleep, and I got to be home on weekends. My first day seemed like a week. They had so many rules, there were people everywhere, and I was so overwhelmed with it all. It seemed like all we did was go to therapy, and eat. Probably because that is all we did. We had group after group, and meal after meal. And we didn't get to choose how much we ate, (because we all had eating disorders) we could eat, or we could drink a substitute drink to make up the calories. We couldn't flush out own toilets, and we had to wait half an hour after each meal and snack before we could use the bathroom. It seemed really hard at first, but I knew that every rule was for my own benefit. The girls that I met while I was there are some of thee most amazing people I have ever met. These women had been through so much, that I couldn't even imagine. I was the youngest of everyone in my program, and it was kind if a culture shock. Although the girls I was with had tons of problems, had lived through Hell, and hated themselves as much as I did, they are still my heroes. They are amazing, and I love every single one of them. They changed my life...