Existence is Worthwhile

So since it is almost Christmas, I wanted to share something that touches me and shares the spirit of Christmas. Each year my family watches the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life", and each year I get something different out of it. In the past having felt the same feelings that George Bailey feels, I cry every time I watch this movie. I remember thinking that I didn't want to exist. The thought of never being born was so appealing to me at that time in my life. With the help of my family and my Heavenly Father I eventually got those thoughts out of my head, but I will never forget what they felt like. When I watch this classic, instead of seeing it as a regular Christmas movie, I see it as a reminder that every individual's life is important. Tonight while watching "It's a Wonderful Life", the quote "Each man's life touches so many other lives, and when he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" was the one to touch me. If we look back on our lives and imagine them without ourselves ever being born, we will notice the "awful hole" that is mentioned. Everyone matters. We all touch the lives of others. If you haven't see "It's a Wonderful Life", I encourage you to do so and remember that nothing is worth more than one's existence. Oh, and Merry Christmas!

If You Could Change One Thing About Your Body, What Would it Be?

http://youtu.be/f0tEcxLDDd4

Having an Eating Disorder Isn't a Choice

http://m.eonline.com/news/597463/demi-lovato-defends-eating-disorder-sufferers-having-anorexia-or-bulimia-isn-t-a-choice

Meet the Mormon (me).

A little earlier today I was feeling very discouraged. I felt that I didn't matter. That no one wanted to be my friend or talk to me. And that if I disappeared, no one would notice. It's pretty hard coming to a place where there are so many people, but I work and go to school full-time, so I don't get very many chances to actually get to know those people. So I felt lonely. After moping around for a few minutes and complaining to my mom over the phone, my roommate and I decided to go see a movie. Meet the Mormons was one that I had been wanting to see since it first came out, so that seemed like the best option. Walking into the movie, it seemed a little boring. But as the story progressed, it got better and better. By the end of the showing, I was in tears. The spirit was so strong. It improved my night exponentially. Right now my heart is so full and I feel like I need to share my testimony. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the most amazing thing in this world. The gospel is so incredible. I'm so grateful that I have this gospel in my life and that I have the opportunity to share it with others everyday of my life. I cannot express my love for Jesus Christ and what He has done for me. Some people say they don't know where they would be without the gospel in their lives, but I know where I'd be. I'd be dead. I would not be on this earth today. Through prayer and Christ, I was saved. Heavenly Father knows me. I know that He does, and that He loves me and every one of His children. I'm so grateful for the atonement and the power and effects it has had in my life. I love my church. I love my Heavenly Father. And I love His son Jesus Christ. I wouldn't trade my experiences and trials in this life for anything else in the world. I know that He lives, in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Thoughts on Suicide

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3851853843001

Me.

Oh yeah. And here's my favorite senior picture showing how happy my life is currently.

9/18/14

Thinking back on treatment and how much it has changed my life. Since I moved out of my parents house I've been doing great. ED is not in my head hardly at all. All the fear of being alone and turning back to my behaviors is gone. Eating is just a normal thing here at college. I ran into a friend from treatment and school yesterday and seeing her reminded me of how much we go through to get to where we are supposed to be. Although my eating disorder ruined part of me, it made me. My values and beliefs are based off of it. I can't express how grateful I am for trials and how they can strengthen us. Life is worth living. This I know is true.

EXTREMES

Nothing like this should exist. I believe that no one should ever feel like this. No matter what hair color, eye color, weight, height, body type. There was a time in my life where I did feel like this. Anyone with an eating disorder can relate. They would go to extremes, do anything, to feel like they are good enough in others' eyes. I hope that in the future there will be a day where no one thinks like this. I hope that no one ever has to feel like they have to go to these extremes to fit in. I hope that someday the world can be a place where little girls can look in the mirror and love what they see. This picture is my worst nightmare. It's morbid and horrible. Nothing like this should exist.

Fightin'

Recover

http://youtu.be/Vsa3CXI7knw

Why I Need To Eat:

When..?

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/05/09/its-time-we-retire-the-statement-a-real-woman-isnt-it/

Thigh Gaps

http://www.worldlifestyle.com/beauty-style/here-s-what-thigh-gaps-looked-like-in-1945

Real Life

We all have trials in this life. We all have our problems. There are children without parents, families without homes, parents without children, and people without love. We all have hard days and stupid break ups. For me, I have an eating disorder. I was sexually harassed. I was lied to and betrayed. These are all just small parts of life that make life real. Life is not easy. It was never meant to be easy. Through all of my trials and heartaches, I now know that I'm not alone. Every person on this earth had to face something awful. Everyone. No matter what.
Sometimes I get on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, and I get off feeling terrible. I see all of the wonderful things that others do with their lives and how perfect it looks. I've wondered many times why I was the one that was chosen to go through these particular trials. I've prayed to and yelled at God asking him to take them away. I've tried it give up multiple times, thinking that would make it all better. Now I know that giving up is not the answer. And even though I will most likely try it again, everyone should know that it's not worth it.
I don't know what it feels like to lose a parent, a child, or my home. I hope I never find out. But for all of those that do know what it feels like, I hope they know that they are not alone. I'm not alone either. We never will be.
Life is rough. It's definitely a hard thing. We all have to face it, and fight through it. We all have to stand alone at one time or another, and fight for what we know is right. My battle has been trying to stay alive and happy. I've struggled with being happy for a long long time. It seems like I am happy the majority of the time, but I'm not. Most people don't know what I've been through. Not everyone understands that there even are trials in this life. That's okay, they'll find out.
Real life is not what it is portrayed to be. In movies, TV, magazines, and books, life is not real. This artificial life is a lie. It's not bad, because people enjoy trying to live that way. I enjoy trying to make my life perfect (sometimes). But no matter what I do, it's never going to be that perfect life I read about. Real life is full of trials. It's full of hate. Real life is something that all humans experience. And although it's sad, crazy, crappy, and sometimes fun, it will always work out.
God watches us at all times. He knows who we are. He knows us personally. He cares about that girl that tripped in the hall. He cares about that man in a cell. He cares about that child in the storm. He cares for everyone. God is not a judging, hateful, or scornful being. He is loving, forgiving, merciful, loving, caring, and hopeful. Even if we don't feel it, He's there. He is always there. He made life. He made this real life. He made it so that we could come, so that we could learn, and so that we could prove ourselves worthy. He doesn't give us trials that we can't handle. He made this for me. He made this for you. He made real life.
It's worth fighting for.

"Try" Colbie Caillet

http://www.elle.com/_mobile/news/beauty-makeup/colbie-caillat-try-video-makeup-transformation?src=spr_FBPAGE&spr_id=1448_70498785&linkId=8787330

This is why I still have faith in humanity❤️

12 Things People Don't Understand About Eating Disorders

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/things-people-dont-understand-about-eating-disorders?s=mobile

7/6/14

Well. It has been a long while since I have actually WRITTEN anything. Life is busy but boring. Make sense? I have absolutely nothing to do. I swear, I sleep 89% of my life away. The rest of the time I am either day dreaming, reading, or crying. Pathetic much? Ha. But seriously, there are a lot of things in my life that I feel like I have messed up. Within the last year I did not get accepted to the college I wanted to attend, didn't get any scholarships, didn't get the job I wanted, and just last night I found out that I did not pass any of the AP tests that I took. Sad, I know. Luckily, I have an amazing mom who helps me through all of this by listening to me complain about every possible thing to complain about. On the bright side, I did indeed get accepted to a college. I did get a job. And I still have an amazing mom!  So life is not as bad as it could be. In other words, life could always be worse. At this time in my life I will be trying to stay positive, motivated, and continue on with my dream of changing the world. I encourage all of you to do the same.

it's hard

Beauty

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk
You are more beautiful than you think.

Live to See the Beauty

Dark Enough

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wNGEpjXxS10

Body Image Research Paper

Body Image

Currently there is a major concern in the United States with body image and the effect that it has on lives. Body image is how someone sees themselves and how they think others see them as well. Body image and self esteem are closely connected and can easily intertwine with each other. Negative body image is not caused by one factor alone, but many factors contribute to the negativity one may feel about his or her body. Many experts have discovered that the media and other various things can play a very significant role in peoples’ negative body image. It’s been proven that negative body image has led to many women turning to chronic dieting and eating disorders in hopes to improve their body image. These behaviors may lead into multiple and serious problems in the future for a lot of people that can even make negative body image worse than before. Many books and websites have been created to help one improve body image and to teach one the importance of maintaining good, positive body image. Body image is how one sees herself or himself and many different factors can contribute to how people feel about their bodies. There are many ways to help improve body image and the effects that it has on lives.

What is Body Image?

Body image is how a person sees themselves. It is also how a person thinks that others see them as well. The exact definition of body image is, “a subjective picture of one's own physical appearance established both by self-observation and by noting the reactions of others” (Webster). Therefore, body image is not just formed from looking in the mirror, but it is learned by seeing others reactions. When humans are born, it is assumed that they can see themselves accurately. Young children can see their bodies accurately as well. While people are growing up, the influences of the world teach them what is ‘pretty’ and what is ‘ugly’. The things that are taught in the world eventually change the way that one sees himself or herself. Over time different factors affect how people feel about their bodies. If one does not meet the standards of beauty, most likely, his or her body image will be affected. They will begin to see their bodies differently because of how they are told to look. They literally start to see themselves inaccurately. When people see their bodies inaccurately and negatively, it is called negative body image. When a person sees themselves accurately and feels okay about his or her body, it is called positive body image.

What Causes Negative Body Image?

A great factor that can create negative body image is what others say about bodies. When young children feel indifferent about their bodies, and another person tells them how they ‘should’ feel, their perspectives change. It creates an image in ones mind and forms that image into a belief. “This image is often affected by family” (Facts). Because family and parents are so influential in lives, almost everything that they say will have an affect on someone and the way they feel. These small things can have long-term effects on young children.

Not only family and others comments can affect body image, but the greatest factor and influence on body image is the media. In a recent survey it was said that 63% of women’s body image is influenced by others and the media. An article written on the NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) website says, “research is increasingly clear that media does indeed contribute and that exposure to and pressure exerted by media increase body dissatisfaction” (Media). This means that; more and more, the media is impacting body image all over the world. Even women that create this ideal image feel the influence of the corrupted media. Model, Nancy Berg, said “It’s scary living in a world when all you are is a face” (Maine 124). A model herself admitted that it is “scary” to live in this world. The media can affect anyone. Even adolescents, “8 to 18 year olds”, are exposed to media, in one form or another, every single day (YouTube). This means that at the most, eight year old girls are beginning to develop a negative body image. At eight, little girls are looking up to fake images to base their own beauty and self-worth upon.

These little girls not only are comparing themselves to these fake media presentations, but also to their mothers. While growing up, a child’s biggest role model is his or her parents. Young children learn everything they do from their moms and dads. These kids learn from seeing, and are affected by everything that they see. If a girl’s mother is on a diet, and constantly engaging in dieting behaviors, that girl will notice, remember, and eventually engage in those same behaviors:

“On a diet, you can't eat." That is what one 5- year-old girl had to say in a study on girls' ideas about dieting. This and other research has shown that daughters are more likely to have ideas

about dieting when their mothers diet. Children pick up on comments about dieting concepts

that may seem harmless, such as limiting high-fat foods or eating less. Yet, as girls enter their

teen years, having ideas about dieting can lead to problems (Women’s)

The little things that are heard and seen while young will later affect people when they become older and can have negative life-long effects. These small things that may not seem to matter while children are young, will eventually become the big things. Children learn while very young how to compare things. Shapes, colors, textures, etc. are compared by babies to learn what they are. While growing, children continue to compare. At the beginning of lives comparison is a good thing, but as time goes on, it becomes more of a problem. The children grow and learn that they must become ‘better’ than one another and they begin to compete. The competing never comes to a stop. Even as adults, people compete in fitness, business, and finances. The competing later leads to the perfectionism that is a major effect of negative body image.

Effects of Negative Body Image

Some of the problems that come out of having negative body image are disordered eating, eating disorders, obsessive thoughts (perfectionism), and depression. Disordered eating, although most think is the same as an eating disorder, is very common among all men and women. Disordered eating is chronic dieting and excessive exercise. Different from disordered eating is an eating disorder. Eating disorders occur when an individual goes to extremes to lose weight. Along with chronic dieting and excessive exercise, there is binging, purging, fasting, and other various behaviors involved with eating disorders. Obsessive thoughts come along with negative body image as well. When people don’t like the way they look, they constantly think and worry about what others are thinking and seeing. Obsessive thinking is also when one repeatedly asks how they look, if people are looking at them, etc. Obsessive thinking can lead to OCD, which is very common in people with eating disorders. Many women become “preoccupied by incessant thoughts” that have to do with bodies, weight, and food (Fugen). These obsessive thoughts can lead to depression. It has been proven that body image is an “essential factor in the mechanisms of psychotic and neurotic depression”, and that depression and eating disorders can intertwine (Peto).

Improving Body Image

Although negative body image is an escalating problem, professionals have tips on how to help and improve it. Almost everyone thinks that in order to obtain positive body image, they must change their bodies. But, through psychology and therapeutic studies, it is known that “body image is not about how you look, but how you feel about the way you look” (Planned). The explanation is simple. To be at peace with one’s body they do not have to lose weight or receive surgery, they have to lose negative thoughts and accept themselves.

In an interview with Janna Dean, LCSW, she stated that in her opinion, “learning to identify” those negative thoughts and learning how to “change those thoughts”, is the best way to improve body image. She also mentioned that avoiding media can help to prevent those negative thoughts. Spending too much time in the pop culture world can greatly affect people’s perspectives. While looking through magazines and watching commercials, distorted images start to become real in the human brain. People literally start to think that those artificial images are legitimate. When people spend more time with other people, socializing and interacting, they will start to see the world in a different way. “Over 80% of Americans watch TV daily” (Media). Watching so much of the superficial media increases the “pressure from mass media” to become perfect (Media).

This pressure to become perfect also comes from the obsessive thinking mentioned before. To help improve the obsessive thoughts, one must, again, “change those thoughts”. Changing the thoughts has to start with recognizing them. Recognizing the negative thoughts is the hard part because it’s not the common thing to do. After recognizing those negative thoughts, the thoughts have to be reversed into positive thoughts. This process called “corrective thinking”, is taught in The Body Image Workbook by Thomas F. Cash. Cash taught  that “human change is gradual”, and the process can take awhile to get used to, but is very effective (Cash 135).

Another important part of learning to improve body image is learning what goes into body image. As said before, that body image is how a person sees himself/herself. In different cultures, beauty is defined differently. In different time periods, beauty has been defined differently. Beauty is never defined exactly the same.

In various cultures at various times, attractiveness has required decorative scars on the face, a

shaved head, tattoos fully covering the body, jewels placed in holes drilled in the teeth, large

disks inserted in the lips, stacked rings to elongate the neck, and the maiming of women’s feet

to make them petite. All these things were done, and most still are, in service of societal

standards of attractiveness (Cash 41)

The different standards don’t actually mean anything. In the United States, the standard for women is to be tall and skinny (for the most part). It’s been proven that the “exposure to media images depicting the thin-ideal body is related to body image concerns for women” (Grabe). When people see things in the media, the definition of that beauty is changed. The media can control the new trends and can get people to look at themselves with the perspective that they think the media views them as. They believe themselves to be ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’ because this culture taught them what to think. People’s perspectives change constantly and their emotions are consistent with that perspective. Perspective changes how one views his or her body. It changes how they feel about his or her body. It also changes his or her body image.

Outside vs Inside

Although using the phrase ‘body image’ may seem that all of these negative feelings come from the outside, a lot of what is seen comes from the inside as well. “When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right” (Connection), for example,  feeling negative about the body when the problem is on the inside of one’s mind. Not everything that people see is real. Frequently, the things that are seen (like bodies) are reflections of how someone feels on the inside. When a person is sad or depressed, and they look in the mirror, they will feel worse about himself or herself rather than when they are happy and positive. The mind will automatically put those feelings and those images in one’s head.

CONCLUSION

From each of the sources above and their information, it is understood that negative body image is very unhealthy to one’s life. There are many factors that when combined together can cause negative body image. The negative body image that is so common among women can lead to many other dangerous and unhealthy lifestyles. Because of all the chaos of negative body image, there are many experts and professionals that are working diligently to help people become comfortable in their bodies and increase positive body image.

Works Cited

"Body Image." Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 12 May 2014.

"11 Facts About Body Image." DoSomething.org. ANAD, n.d. Web. 12 May 2014.

"Media, Body Image, and Eating Disorders | National Eating Disorders Association." Media, Body

Image, and Eating Disorders | National Eating Disorders Association. NEDA. Web. 17

May 2014.

Maine, Margo. Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies: An Activist's Guide. Carlsbad,

CA: Gürze, 2000. Print.

"Unreal Celebrity Photoshop Transformations." YouTube. YouTube, 06 Jan. 2014. Web. 19 May

2014.

"Your Body Image Plays a Role in Theirs." Body Image. Office on Women's Health, 22 Sept. 2009.

Web. 19 May 2014.

Neziroglu, Fugen, and Jonathan Sandler. "International OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Foundation - Expert Opinion: Eating Disorders and OCD." International OCD (Obsessive

Compulsive Disorder) Foundation - Expert Opinion: Eating Disorders and OCD. IOCDF, 2012. Web. 19 May 2014.

Peto, Andrew. "Home." PsycNET. American Psychological Association, 2014. Web. 19 May 2014.

"Body Image." Body Image. Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc., 2014. Web. 19 May

2014.

Cash, Thomas F. The Body Image Workbook. New York, NY: MJF, 1997. Print.

Grabe, Shelly, L. Monique Ward, and Janet Shibley Hyde. "The Role of the Media in Body Image

Concerns among Women: A Meta-analysis of Experimental and Correlational Studies."

Psychological Bulletin 134.3 (2008): 460-76. Web. 21 May 2014.

"Mind/Body Connection: How Your Emotions Affect Your Health." Health Education. Family Doctor,

2004. Web. 20 May 2014.

Respect Yourself

Body Image Survey

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/R38X2D3

Samuel 1:16

...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

~ Jeffrey R. Holland ~

Enjoy the Little Things 💙

It's been awhile since I've written, but today I just want to talk about little happy moments in life that make the journey worth while.
Although we live in a world of hate, war, and anger, there's always something good out there. It might be the tiniest thing like a ladybug or something huge like a sunset, but those are the things that we need to treasure the most. With all of the technology and busy schedules, people often forget to stop and "smell the roses". I don't like the smell of roses, but I like the smell of fresh cut grass... So you can stop and smell that too.
Often we only think that this world is so corrupt and there's nothing good out there, but that's completely not true. The world is filled full of wonderful  beautiful things. We just need to find them. We need to notice something small and learn to love it. We need to enjoy the little things...
Like fresh cut grass(;

Don't Quit!!

http://youtu.be/9Z1TLJfeKEA

I know...

Almost exactly 1 year ago I went to the treatment center that changed my life. It's so strange to look back and see how much I've changed. My life is great one second, and hell the next. And that's exactly what life is supposed to be like. It's not easy. It's not ever going to be easy. But it will be worth it. I know it will. Right now I'm laying in my bed trying to fight these thoughts that satan is putting in my head. I know that he's real. He talks to me everyday. I want anyone reading this to know that any bad thought you think or bad feeling you feel comes from the devil. His one goal is to make everyone feel as bad as he does. Don't let him. He's tried to make me give up. Three times now he has almost succeeded, but I won't give up. Nothing is worth giving up. I don't care that the media wants us to be perfect. I don't care that people judge me. I don't care about satan. I hate him. I hate him with everything I have. He had no right to be in anyone's life. He takes too many of us. I won't let him take me. He wants me to think that no one understands me or what I am going through. He lies. I know that Jesus Christ understands me. He has felt every bit of pain I have felt. I'm not trying to be preachy but this is what I know. Satan walks this earth. In the bible it states, “And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.” He is here. Life sucks and I know it. I'm not going to pretend that I know everything or that I have the worst life out of anyone, but I know that life is not easy. But if we endure to the end... It's worth it.