Thailand: Week 4

So this week was an interesting one. I was at a school I hadn't been to before, working in a class with all autistic children. It was pretty difficult, not because of the learning disabilities, but because no one, including the teachers, spoke English. I never thought that that would be such a problem for me, but I realized that I cant do much when I don't know what people are telling me to do. I kinda broke down the first day there and had to call mom and complain because the teacher just kept repeating herself in Thai.. Cause yeah that helps me understand. Ugh. But after that things got better. Each day got a little easier, and by my last day I was sad to leave those cute kids.
This week I also got my first Thai massage. These things are not like anything you've seen before. The old women bend your body in all these weird positions and some of them hurt pretty bad. I was trying the entire time not to laugh cause I felt so ridiculous!! 
Yesterday I got to go to a cooking class and I made some crazy Thai food. So when I get home I'll have to make it for you all. Before we cooked we went to a market and at this market there was a huge section of meat. If you guys know me at all, you know that I'm not a huge meat eater. And here in Thailand they aren't afraid of anything. So... I walked in and there are intestines, pig feet, pig heads, livers, anything you can imagine that would kill a vegetarian. After that I decided to cut back on the meat I've been eating here. It was rough, guys. 
Anyway, that's about it for this last week. Hope to hear from you all soon!
-Mandy(:

Thailand: Weeks 1, 2, & 3

So I'm in Thailand for the next 6 weeks and I'll be emailing my family about it and thought I'd just post my emails on my blog as well. Here ya go.

Hey ya'll,

I've been feeling like a missionary since I got here to Chiang Mai, so I have decided I will write like one. I know mom really misses those weekly emails(; anyway, first things first, my flights here were all fine. I know that Heavenly Father was watching over me because there's no way I could have made it through those airports on my own. Especially the Taiwan Airport.. Jeez.

Okay so I have the sweetest host family ever! My host mom's name is Kunt (pronounced Coong) and she feeds me nonstop. I'm pretty sure I've gained about 8 pounds, but whatever. At least I have no idea what I'm eating 88% of the time.. My host dad doesn't speak any English AT ALL. He's pretty funny. He smokes, drinks, and has a nice loud laugh. Let's be real I have no idea what his name is.. It sounds something like "pudding". He thinks I'm funny too do we get along pretty well. I have a host little brother (13) named Deft and  he has never spoken to me. He also doesn't speak English. And then I have a host little sister (5). Her name sounds something like "deep". She's stinkin' cute. She loves dancing and eating fish eyeballs. So grateful for that because hopefully I will never get the chance to taste one!

As for work, I will be working at a special needs school once school actually starts. Way more exciting than just teaching English!! And until then I go to the hospital to help out with little kids who have cancer, and some days I'll go to another school for orphans. It's been so fun minus the 6 bloody noses already. 

Anyways, I don't want to make this superrrr long so I'll end it. But just remember that I probably love you and I absolutely hate roosters! (They don't stop). 

Until next week,

Mandy

Something 'bout Suicide

I've been thinking lately about my experience with suicide and the choice that I have made in order to stop myself from choosing that path. I remember once, when I was very depressed and suicidal, a conversation I had with one of my therapists. After being torn down by others, I told my therapist that I wanted to get back at those people by killing myself. I could imagine myself dead, those individuals who hurt me finding out, and their lives dramatically changing because they "caused it". My therapist just stared at me for a minute. After the awkward pause she gave me the funniest look. Then she said to me, "So, you're going to throw you life away, your future, your family, all you've done, just to make those insignificant people feel bad?" This question dawned on me. I had never thought of it that way. I was being so selfish. Why would anyone do that? I was in high school, hadn't even lived my life, and was willing to toss it all out the window just to prove a point. How stupid.
I think about this conversation a lot now. Anytime people say something that offends me or makes me cry, I just have to remember that they won't be in my life forever. I get to choose who stays in my life and who makes me happy. If I would have killed myself after that incident, sure those people would feel bad for a while. But who knows? Maybe it wouldn't phase them at all.
Also, if it did phase those people, what if I ruined their lives? I didn't even think that maybe, just maybe, It could change them in the worst way. I didn't think about how that could truly impact someone and their future, having to carry that burden. Again, how selfish of me...
Life is so much more than bullies and drama queens. I have hope that someday I'll get married, have children, and feel safe. I have hope that life really does get better. I already know that life is more than just high school. And I'm not going to give up my life just to make someone else feel bad about theirs.